My 7 year-old roommate

Alright, I know I've been horrible at keeping this thing up to date. And I have no excuse being that I live in a city where there are multiple computers and internet available to me. I mean, its not like I'm in the middle of the Mexican desert or anything. I'll try to keep more current in my entries. So far I've been writing like I was writing for chapters in a book. I realize that people are probably less interested in sitting at a computer to read a book a chapter every two to three months than they are to just read a short blog post update. Plus, we tend to seek instant gratification from technology these days, as is the intent. However, I know I still appreciate having a book in my hands to read at my leisure. So for now I'll give a brief update of what has happened since my last post.

Another guy moved into KC's house, one of her son's friends from culinary school in the city for his internship. He was paying KC $300 each month for rent. KC hadn't been charging me rent up to that point, she told me I could stay with them for a month for no charge, but the month was quickly coming to an end . In the past two months of searching I had yet to find work. I couldn't afford to pay that so I asked the HPs if I could move back in with them and the boys. Although Riley had taken the room downstairs where I had been staying, they of course welcomed me back in. I wasn't paying rent but I also had a seven year-old roommate. It wasn't one of the best arrangements in my life but it worked.

I spent my time riding around, playing WiiFit until I was sick of it, meditating at Kanzeon, watching full seasons of Six Feet Under, playing around with the kids, and job searching. At one point I even took a tour of the UPS facility to be a package handler but didn't take the job. During this time Halloween came upon us. I had been planing a costume for the past month or so. I had bought the most 70s looking clothes I could find at the thrift store, I wore a blonde afro borrowed from Robin, and painted my face to look like a skull. I had transformed into the Death Of Disco. I attended a couple of parties and had a blast at them. A week later my friend Patrick from the Zen Center offered me a room in his two-bedroom apartment for rent. He even said I could stay for a reduced rent until I found a job so I took him up on his offer. I moved in with Patrick as soon as I could. He lives a block and a half from the TRAX line and about six blocks from Kanzeon so it is a great location.

The week after I moved in with him I volunteered at Kanzeon to be the assistant cook for the sesshin. Making meal after meal for 60 people is a difficult task and it takes a whole kitchen staff to get it done. Halfway through the week I received a phone call from Snowbird Ski School offering me a job as a ski/snowboard instructor. I accepted the job and prepared to spend a season on the slopes. About two hours after I accepted the job I received a phone call from the Head Start preschool offering me a classroom assistant position I had interviewed for. Now, I had a decision to make but was prepared to make it. I decided to go with the Head Start job. I called Snowbird back and renounced the instructor position.

Now, I know many of you would say, "Why the hell would you give up a snowboard instructing position to be a preschool teacher?" Not only was the money better in being a preschool teacher, not to mention the excellent benifits, I was looking forward to the idea of teaching young children in a community that is of the lowest socioeconomic class in Salt Lake City. The area is composed of many Hispanic families as well as several immigrants. This gives me the opportunity to help in an area where I can do a lot of good. A free pass to a resort didn't seem to be worth that.

I went home to Colorado for Thanksgiving and when I returned I started my new job. More on that later. I worked for two weeks and then school ended for winter break. Not a bad schedule, I thought, two weeks of work followed by three weeks off. I could handle this.

This is just a picture of the Mormon temple and Headquarters I took while waiting for the tram. I thought the sunset had some pretty colors.

The weekend after I returned from Alaska, my sister, Christina, had a couple of soccer games up in Colorado Springs. We went to her game at the Air Force Academy then spent the evening with her before we all went up to Boulder for her game the next day. Since we would already be in Boulder, my parents and I decided that we would drive up to Estes Park afterwards and stay the night there. After Christina’s game we did just that. After driving up the pass we crested the hill overlooking the town at the foot of the Rocky Mountains. Driving across the bridge that separated the North and South sides of a shimmering azure lake we spotted something that looked vaguely like the Loch Ness Monster. Upon closer inspection we realized that it was the Loch Ness Monster, of the inflatable variety. We looked up and saw why. A huge banner shuttered with the wind which read “2008 Scottish/Irish Heritage Festival”. The three of us looked at each other and immediately knew what the other two were thinking. “Hooray! Kilts and bagpipes!” There was no way we could turn that down.

We parked the car and wandered up the hill amidst sticky, cotton-candy faced kids, and guys you wouldn’t want to see bend over. Following the sounds of the forlorn (bagpipes if you will) and the smell of Guinness we made our way through the festival. To our left dog’s catching Frisbees off their owners’ backsides. To our right were rows of tents representing the various clans. With our pints of Guinness in one hand and kettle corn in our other, we wandered through the tents and listened to more bagpipers. We had come at the end of the festival so after only an hour and a half they were having their closing ceremony complete with 102, you guessed it, bagpipes. Tents were packed up and free kettle corn distributed. We left and searched for a hotel room. We found one in a beautiful hotel on the lake. Our room had a balcony that looked out over the lake to the gorgeous mountains shooting up into the sky just beyond. After a really bad Mexican dinner I just sat on that balcony and watched the moon flicker off the ripples in the lake.

The next day we drove up into Rocky Mountain National Park. Immediately after paying our entry fee we looked off to our left and saw a herd of about thirty elk. Driving further in we saw even more. We drove further into the mountains before we parked the car and took a hike. Passing towering walls of sheer rock colored elephant grey we made our way along the arduous trail. Occasionally we would make hydration stops or take in the awe-inspiring scenery. Crystal clear lakes shimmered under the bright blue sky and brilliantly reflected the magnificence surrounding them. After a full day of mountains, lakes, waterfalls, and chipmunks my parents and I made our way back down to the car. We ate dinner at a Nepalese restaurant before driving back down south along the Front Range to arrive home again.

I stayed in Colorado for about two more weeks before heading up to Denver to catch my westbound train. During this time I went to the local Goodwill and treated myself to a whole new wardrobe so that my hemp pants aren’t the only pants I own anymore and my shirts actually have buttons. The day before I left, Nieve, Michael, Amanda, my mom, and I took a tour of Boulder beer breweries. Several hours and many beers into it we were all nice and toasted. Besides for a half gallon of beer being spilt on me I would say that it was a pretty successful tour of the Boulder breweries. As the sun rose the next morning it was quite difficult to raise up off Nieve’s couch and prepare for the next leg of my journey. At the train station I checked in my luggage and said goodbye to my mother. After a hug and a kiss I boarded the locomotive. I sat down in my seat and watched the beautiful Colorado scenery change into the rugged yet equally beautiful landscape of Utah. By the time it arrived in Salt Lake City the train was an hour and a half late, but it did arrive.

Kim was waiting there for me as I stepped off the train. It was after midnight and she was wearing a hat (something I never see her do) so I didn’t even recognize her as I walked right past to my luggage. I turned around to see if she had arrived when this little guy in a Newsies hat and glasses walks right up to me and I realize that its no little guy at all, it is little Kim. She helped me get my stuff into the car and we drove back to their house. While I was away they moved Riley and his things downstairs into the room I was using but it was also still kind of the guest room as the futon was still spread out next to his bed after Ruth’s mom had just come to visit. I lay down and fell asleep. The next morning Kim and Casey came down to wake Riley from school. As soon as he came in the room and saw me, Casey had the biggest grin on his little face. He woke Riley and Riley turned his head in my direction. He had no idea what was going on but was enjoying it anyway.

The boys went to school, Ruth went to work and I was alone in the house I had left three months prior with no intention of returning anytime soon. I had time to gather myself and get in touch with my surroundings before reassembling my bicycle. By gathering myself I mean beating all of the top scores on WiiFit. Now Ruth is mad at me. On Sunday I went to the Zen Center and felt like I was back home. People were happy to see me and most were very pleased I hadn’t left for South America. Afterwards I went to another lesbian couple’s house to help them take care of their three year-old daughter Julia. I was to stay with them throughout the week and look after her while one of her moms worked and the other was out of town. Julia is a brilliant little girl with a strong will and able mind. She has an excellent vocabulary for a girl of three and I can imagine her becoming a great leader someday, like Wonder Woman. (What? She was a great leader with that awesome invisible jet and unbreakable lasso.)

After spending a week with the soon-to-be superhero I moved over to my friend’s house overlooking the great salt lake valley where I’ve spent the last two weeks continuously looking for employment, organizing refrigerators and pantries, cutting hedges, and getting lost in hours upon hours of Grand Theft Auto 4. What a life, eh? For now I’m waiting, meditating, making music, searching and killing lots of drug dealers. What’s next is anybodies guess.

Episode IVX: The Mormon Empire Strikes Back

Robin and I said our good-byes in Gunnison and I watched her roll away in her car with Gyro sticking his head up and watching me through the back window as they passed out of sight. I sat down on the front porch of my sister’s house and cried. I had never cried so hard in my life. I spent the next couple days in Gunnison with my sister rafting on the river, bicycling the rocks, getting drunk, and watching movies. When I was ready to leave I packed up all my gear onto my bicycle and said goodbye to my sister. I made my way east, determined to bicycle back to Colorado Springs. As the day wore on I found myself peddling through the plains as the sun rose higher in the sky heating up the earth. Early that afternoon I arrived at the foot of Monarch Pass. Drudgingly I peddled one foot after the other and made my way slowly up the mountain. Rain sprinkled down on me providing a refreshing temperature as my muscles were straining against the pedals. After about three hours of climbing I reached the top. I turned around and looked at the gorgeous valley below me grateful that it was behind me. I stopped off for a snack then started coasting down the other side of the mountain. After only about twenty minutes or so I was off the mountain and out into the valley on the other side of Monarch.



As I made my way through the second valley the sun was beginning to set behind the mountains and I set out to find a place to sleep. I happened upon a house that had been put up for sale. The windows were dark, the inside furniture was gone, the doors were locked, and there was no sign of anyone coming in or out for awhile. Around the side of the house I found a small awning which I set up camp beneath. I slept fairly well to awake the next morning as the sun slowly climbed above the mountain range to the east of me. I got back on the bike and continued on my way. While riding along the highway I noticed hundreds of prairie dog holes on the side of the road, each with a prairie dog poking its head out or standing up to watch me as I rode by. I could swear that while riding past one even waved to me with its little paw. I spent the whole day climbing as I ascended the hills of the next pass. Coming down out of the pass I arrived in the South Park Valley. In a car it takes about thirty minutes to cross this valley. On my bike I spent the next three hours rolling along the flat plains fighting the wind coming at my face and trying to stay hydrated without finding any shade providing relief from the sweltering sun. On my way up the pass out of the valley I heard intense thunder from the storm clouds rolling in behind me. I glanced behind me to see the thunderclouds threatening me. Nearing the top of the pass it began to rain. I continued on until I reached the visitor center at the very top and as I was riding under the cover hail started to pelt the ground around me. I had made it to shelter just in time. I waited there as a majority of the storm passed. I called my mom to let her know I was ok and she offered to meet me in Divide, a small town about thirty miles away. I agreed to that and made my way out into the dwindling rain. Three hours later I arrived at the proposed meeting place and she arrived soon thereafter. Two days and one hundred fifty miles after I had left Gunnison I was exhausted. We got back to my parents’ house and I subsequently passed out.



I spent the next couple weeks with my parents doing various odd jobs around the house until it was time for me to head up to the Denver area for my friend Nieve’s wedding. I got a ride with my friend Amanda and we arrived in Thornton five days before the ceremony. Over the course of the next few days people were arriving left and right to stay at the house culminating with twelve people staying in a three bedroom house. We spent the days preparing for the wedding and the evenings already celebrating with alcoholic drinks freely flowing. The bachelor and bachelorette parties were held Thursday night (no nudity involved) with the rehearsal Friday morning. We all woke up very reluctantly Friday and figured out what we would do for the ceremony itself. After the rehearsal Sara (the maid of honor), Nieve (the bride), and I (the Will-of Honor) went to a nail salon and each had manicures and pedicures. I had never known the secret women were hiding behind those perfectly, pedicured toenails. Having my feet massaged I basked in the scents of heady nail polish aroma. The little Vietnamese woman massaging my feet applied green and blue nail polish to the big toes of each foot and covered the rest of my toenails in bright green. I had the same color for my fingers as I figured with an Irish groom I should have some green accents.



That night we had the rehearsal dinner consisting of pizza and wine for forty people at Nieve’s family home. The next day we returned to the Montaño family household for the bridal shower during which I lost the contest for prettiest bride in a toilet paper bridal gown. After the shower we finished some last minute preparations and made our way to a hotel. I shared a room with the other four members of the bridal party (all women, thank you very much). We woke up in the morning jumping up and down on Nieve’s bed shouting, “YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED TODAY!!” and proceeded to get ready for the wedding. Kiki, the cake baker, put my hair into two French braids so that I resembled Legolas from Lord of the Rings. We dropped Nieve to have her hair done while we raced to put together any last minute details. We picked her up when she was done and rushed to the event center where the ceremony was being held. After a lot of commotion and running around it was time to begin. Despite certain complications with music and microphone inconsistencies the wedding went well and was extremely beautiful. Nieve looked amazing in her dress which her grandma had made by hand. Michael looked spiffy in his tuxedo with green converse.



After the ceremony came the reception. It was one of the good ones, with lots of dancing and drinks flowing. Nieve then tossed her bouquet to a group of waiting women who tried to act as though they weren’t interested in being the next to get married. It turns out the flowers fell into the hands of a fifteen year-old whose mother wasn’t thrilled at the idea of a proposal any time soon. Then it was the guys turn. We all watched as Michael, blindfolded, removed a piece of his new wife’s undergarments. As he stood up with the garter in hand and still blindfolded he snapped the elastic and sent the garter flying. It hit me square in the chest and fell into my hands. Crazy rituals. Soon after the party died down we all went our separate ways. I and a few other party members remained around for the next few days as we said good-bye to friends and family. Then, I myself said farewell and boarded an airplane.



I was bound for Alaska. One of my best friends from high school, Steph (pronounced Steve), is stationed way up in Fairbanks and I decided to pay him a visit. I arrived in Anchorage late Thursday night and stayed with a guy thanks to CouchSurfing.com. Friday morning he took me out to the highway and dropped me off wishing me luck. I was hitchhiking my way up to Denali National Park where Steph was going to meet me. I managed to hitch a few rides and eventually made it to the visitor center where I saw Steph sitting on a bench out front. We found a place to camp, set up our tent and went for a hike around the area. The next morning we awoke and made our way up into the park. On the way up we saw several cars stopped on the other side of the road. A few seconds later we realized why. On our side of the road, right in front of us was a medium-sized grizzly bear eating berries and digging at the roots along the ditch right next to the road. We stopped and took a few pictures before moving on. We parked the car and went for a hike down a path near the Savage River. Along the way we came across a group of Ptarmigans, a bird akin to chickens and quail. About nine of them stood blocking our path and we had to weave our way through nearly kicking them out of the way. We saw a heard of Daal sheep on the ridge of a mountain that appeared as little white puffs with horns. Near the top of the path we saw a funny looking grey and brown creature that resembled a large groundhog. It was a marmot and as I got closer to take a closer look it stuck its head up, looked at me, and charged my way diverting at the last second without touching me. I was nearly mauled by fifteen pounds of relentless, furry, claws and sharp, pointy teeth.



After our hike we drove up to Fairbanks and went to a party at one of his Air Force friends’ house on the base. I arrived with pigtails and painted finger nails. The clean-cut military guys had no idea how to react. We played beer pong and Halo and just had a good ol’ time. While Steph worked I stayed at his place playing video games, riding a bicycle, and touring around North Pole, Alaska where he lives. We went to my uncle’s house for dinner one night as he lives in Fairbanks as well. I lost my vegan status for a day because he cooked us King Salmon on an open bit barbecue with smoked Alder wood. It was so incredibly tasty. The night before I left Steph and I went to some beautiful hot springs and had some great bonding time that we haven’t shared in many years. The next day I got a ride back to Anchorage with two girl friends of Steph’s. Through the car ride we told jokes and I played music. I think I’ve got the start of an entourage now. I hopped on my plane and took the red-eye back to Colorado.



I’m back in Colorado for a couple more weeks before returning to Salt Lake City. I have decided to postpone the bicycling trip to South America, at least for the time being. It wasn’t shaping up the way I was hoping it would and I think I could do this trip a lot smarter sometime in the future, especially after improving my Spanish. For now I will return to the beautiful city by the salty lake and find a job. I’m really hoping to do some form of social work, particularly in the adoption field so if anyone has any advice or hook-ups please let me know. Salt Lake City, here I come… again.

Saying Goodbye

I began going to the Kanzeon Zen Center on a regular basis. I would sit meditation on Wednesday nights, attend the Sunday morning Dharma talks, and volunteer every Friday. Volunteering involved painting walls, gardening, cleaning, and any other odd jobs they had for me. I began meeting all sorts of fascinating people from George, the British poet gardener with the body of a 70-year-old but the soul of a teenager, to Christian, the German who up and moved his entire family to Salt Lake City from Germany just to study under the abbot at Kanzeon. Incidentally, the abbot of Kanzeon, Genpo Merzel Roshi, is world famous for the techniques he has developed through his experience with Zen. The technique is called Big Mind and is a form of psychotherapy with the aspect of Buddhism added in. It is amazing to sit in on a Sunday session and watch people just click with enlightenment as he or any of the other teachers lead us in Big Mind.

One Sunday morning I was sitting in Kanzeon with Vee and our friend Corrine as we listened to one of the Sensei’s gave a talk. After the talk, we all gathered downstairs for tea and cookies. Corrine and Vee started talking with a cute young woman and I joined in on the conversation. The young woman’s name was Robin. We all chatted for a while before we left Kanzeon. We were on our way to take Vee to get her first tattoo. We took her to the tattoo parlor and set her up with the artist and her design. The artist got to work and Corrine and I left them to it. Robin had invited us to coffee with a group she attends on a regular basis so Corrine and I took her up on the offer. Arriving at the coffee shop, we saw Robin and a couple other people gathered in the corner so we walked over and sat down. The whole time there, I was engaging Robin in conversation and trying to get any sort of feel about whether she was interested in me or not. After an hour or so of conversation, I still had no idea. We said goodbye then Corrine and I left to check on Vee. After a few more hours of tattooing, the permanent art on her back was complete. A transgender symbol with the words LOVE IS THE MOVEMENT circling within. It was beautifully done and very fitting for Vee.

A couple weeks passed by uneventfully while I occupied my time volunteering at the elementary school still and Kanzeon riding my bike to and from everywhere I went. Then my mom decided to come out to visit. She had heard me talking so much about Kanzeon and the Big Mind process and wanted to check it out for herself. She arrived on Thursday evening and I picked her up at the airport (in a borrowed car, not my bicycle). Over the next couple of days her brother, who lives in Salt Lake City, drove us around and the three of us hung out together. On Sunday morning the three of us went to the Zen Center and listened to a visiting Sensei from France give a talk on loving ourselves completely. Afterwards we had tea and cookies and saw Robin there again. I introduced her to my mom and uncle and invited her on a bike ride the next week. After agreeing to do so we parted ways and my uncle, mom, and I drove out to Antelope Island on the Great Salt Lake. While touring the island we saw herds of antelope and buffalo but the second we stepped out of the car we were attacked by no-see-um bugs that ate away at our flesh. Needless to say we spent most of the tour inside the car.

The next day my mom and I attended the Big Mind workshop at Kanzeon and she loved it. She and Genpo Roshi seemed to connect really well and she shared many things I never expected to hear from her. The next day Robin came over and she, my mom and I got on our bikes and made our way to a trail along the Jordan River. About ten miles into the ride my mom was getting tired and decided to head back so Robin and I continued alone. We had a good time riding and talking and did not turn around for another hour or so. When we arrived back at the house I made us all lunch. After lunch, my mom went to rest and Robin and I went out into the back yard. I laid down a blanket and brought out my guitar. I started playing for her and I saw tears start streaming down her face. After playing a few songs I set down my guitar, leaned over, and kissed her and I felt her lips passionately pressing back against mine. We were there on the blanket in the grass holding each other and kissing for what seemed like hours. Then she got up, said goodbye, kissed me, and left. I wouldn’t see her again for another week because she was heading to a conference in Southern California.

The next day I took my mom to the airport and dropped her off for her plane. I couldn’t stop thinking of Robin. While she was in California she called me and we talked on the phone for a long time. I figured out she was thinking a lot about me too. When she returned we started spending more and more time together. She would bring her Greyhound, Gyro, over and we would baby sit the boys together. Gyro is a four-year-old retired racer who is more afraid of two-year-old Casey than anything else in the world. It almost seemed as though Robin was torturing him by bringing him over to see the child. The more time Robin and I spent together the more we realized that this was the relationship we had both been looking for. The only problem was that I was leaving Salt Lake City at the end of June so we knew this was a long-term thing.

Robin took a trip to meet her family in Florida to watch a shuttle launch. While there, she let me use her car back in SLC. One morning I strapped my bike to the back of her car and made my way to the south side of Immigration Pass. I hopped on my bicycle and started heading up. Immigration Pass is so named because it was where the Mormons entered the Salt Lake City Valley. I climbed and climbed and climbed as the mountain became steeper and steeper. About two and a half hours later, I reached the peak of White Mountain. I stopped to take in the view and eat a sandwich I had prepared earlier then started down. Approximately twenty minutes later I found myself at the bottom. I have been riding around so much and pushing myself hard in order to prepare for my next adventure. In September, I am going to ride my bicycle to South America. This is the reason why I was leaving SLC in June. I wanted to spend a couple months in Colorado before heading out.

When Robin retuned from Florida we started preparing for a camping trip we would take the next week, right after Pride Weekend. Being intimately involved with a lesbian couple and their boys as well as having several homosexual friends Pride is almost as big an event for me as it is for them. Friends came into town that I had not seen in a few years, some not since I graduated from college. On Friday, Robin and I went for a hike in Little Cottonwood Canyon with my friend Michael. I hadn’t seen Michael in about two years and he and I were best friends in college. Saturday evening we went to the Pride grounds and danced to some great music. Sunday morning Robin and I went to Kanzeon together and the topic of the Dharma speech was impermanence. The facilitator asked to speak with our self that was going to die in three years. Speaking as the self that has three years to live puts many things into perspective. It shows what matters in your life and what you would accomplish if you knew you only had that long to live. He then asked to speak to the self that would die in three months followed by the one that would die in three weeks. When we came to that point I realized that I only had about three weeks left in SLC and that meant I had three weeks left with Robin. Therefore, this relationship was going to die in three weeks time. I started pouring my heart out and telling Robin how much I loved and cherished her. When I had finished the facilitator looked at us and said, “Wow, I know pronounce you husband and wife.” In true Zen fashion, it was completely unexpected.

After the talk, Robin and I joined up with the Hackford-Peers at Pride. As Casey napped Robin and I took Riley for a walk around the festivities and telling everyone we knew that we had been married that morning. We said that had we known before hand, we would have invited them. My mom completely flipped when I told her the news. Of course, she calmed down after I told her the whole story. The next day, Robin and I left on our “honeymoon”. We were dog sitting for a friend and took her black lab with us as Robin, Gyro, Jack (the lab), and I drove down to Southern Utah to go camping. We found a beautiful, remote camping spot about halfway between Zion National Park and Bryce Canyon. We stayed in a park called Deer Haven and it was gorgeous. We hiked around the area through groves of aspen trees and meadows of wildflowers before settling in for the night back at the campground. The next day we left the dogs at the campsite and drove to Bryce Canyon. We spent the day hiking in the exhausting heat around the many hoodoos and rock formations of Bryce.

We returned to the campsite, got the dogs, and drove further down the road to find a beautiful little lake where the dogs and we took a little swim. Returning to the campgrounds, I took the dogs to play fetch. Jack would run mercilessly back and forth after the tennis ball only too excited to have me throw it again. Gyro on the other hand had no interest in chasing inanimate objects. He was definitely happy chasing Jack though. Jack would take off running for the ball with Gyro following close behind then Gyro would kick in his speed and pass Jack as if he were standing still. He would run all the way back to me before Jack had even reached the ball. Then he would be exhausted and just stand there as I threw the ball for Jack another twenty to thirty times. The following morning Robin and I left the dogs again and made out way to Zion. We hiked up the most thrilling hike there called Angel’s Landing. It is five miles round-trip with an elevation gain of 1,488 feet up sheer cliffs with steep drop-offs. It was an amazing climb with a gorgeous view of the entire park from the top. After checking out the Weeping Wall and other sites along the Virgin River, we left Zion and had a romantic at a restaurant surrounded by the red cliffs of Southern Utah. The next day we packed up the car and the dogs and headed home.

Riley was out of school by this point and we spent most of the next two weeks together. We rode bicycles almost everyday, played with Lego’s, fought each other with light sabers as Jedi’s, and swam at the swimming pool; you know, a typical boy’s summer day. Robin and I also took Riley camping during this time, which was his first-ever camping trip. It took a lot of work to convince his moms to let him go. We took him to American Fork Canyon, just south of Salt Lake City. We did all the usual camping activities including hiking, building a fire, roasting marshmallows, and playing the wooden flute. He loved it. By the end of that week it was time for me to leave Salt Lake City. Robin was actually heading east on a long road trip so she was going to take me to Colorado. Saying goodbye to the Hackford-Peers was one of the most difficult things I’ve had to do. Riley was bawling the entire night but managed to choke back enough tears to give me a gift. Out of his pocket, he drew two rocks, one with the word LOVE written on it and the other with the word FAMILY. He told me to chose one and the one I chose I would take with me on my travels. He would keep the other and whenever either of us missed the other we would squeeze the rock and remember all the fun we had together. As he went to bed, I laid there with him until he fell asleep, then I went and said my goodbyes to the rest of the family. We all cried together and gave each other big hugs. Vee and Corrine were there as well so they were witness to the entire event.

Driving back to Robin’s place with her that night I couldn’t stop crying. I can’t believe how much heartache I caused a six year-old boy and how much I hurt from leaving him. That night Robin and I talked and cried in each other’s arms. The next morning we got in the car and made our way to Colorado. We made it to my parent’s house late that evening and crashed, completely exhausted. Gyro loved being at my parent’s place. There was enough space to run while dodging the trees spotted all around. We spent the weekend with my parents and other family members who were in town visiting. The day before Robin left to continue her road trip she asked if I would come along. She was going to the Lake of the Ozarks to spend the 4th of July with some friends before she drove up to Wisconsin to see her folks. I thought that since she had met my parents it was only fitting that I met hers so I agreed to join her.

We drove east from Colorado Springs into Kansas and spent the night at a campground along a lake. I never knew Kansas could be pretty but we managed to find some beauty. Continuing on we made our way to Missouri and wound up at the Lake of the Ozarks. Arriving at the lake, we were given a glimpse into a present day version of the movie Wall-E which we had seen just before we left. The shore of the lake was littered with houses right up against the shore and right next to one another. Each had its own little boathouse with a big speedboat inside. The campground consisted of RV after RV, each one bigger than the next. Each RV came equipped with its own pink flamingos and Wal-Mart porch furniture. Every person there also had his or her own golf cart in which to roll around. Although the campsite was only about a half mile long we hardly saw anyone walking or riding bikes but we saw countless people in their own little golf carts. I am sure they were working up their appetite for the meal-in-a-cup they would have later that evening. We met up with Robin’s friends and hung out on the lake with them amidst the other hundreds of boaters. We watched the fireworks above the lake from the boat with the reflections bouncing off the water as each exploded.

The day following the celebration Robin and I got Gyro back in the car and we made our way north to Wisconsin to visit her parents. Robin’s parents have a house on a lake there, which was night and day different from the Lake of the Ozarks. The lake was very calm and placid with little activity. Most of the houses were built off the shoreline so the shore was still beautiful and untouched. The morning after we arrived Robin’s dad took us up in his seaplane and we did a few passes on the lake scaring the hell out of the anglers in their little boat. When we returned to the house, we got out the sailboat, a full-mast Laser, and I took it out onto the lake. Being an inexperienced sailor on a one-man boat with an inconsistent wind was quite challenging. I spent more time in the water than on the boat. Almost as soon as I got it turned upright and got in it, the boat tipped over again. This continued until Robin and her dad came to my rescue with the pontoon boat. Her dad hopped into the sailboat as I took a rest on the pontoon. He made his way up and down the lake with no problems making it look so easy. He invited me back into the boat and we sailed for a little while together.

Later, Robin and I got into the canoe and paddled our way to a lagoon on one side of the lake. Countless lily pads were spread out within the lagoon. We returned home and the next day her parents took us into Minneapolis to the science museum for the Star Wars exhibit. It was very difficult for me to stop making light saber noises but then Robin gave me one of those looks that told me if I did not quit she would pretend she didn’t know me for at least a week. While in Wisconsin, we also took Robin’s grandma to a bald eagle preserve. We saw an eagle munching down on a rat and learned a lot about these symbols of American pride. About four days after we had arrived in Wisconsin we got back in the car and made our way west again. We stopped to spend the night in Nebraska and shortly after we had set up the tent large clouds formed on the horizon. An hour later we were hit by a massive thunderstorm. The sides of the tent were folding completely on top of us as the wind blew strong. Lightning lit up the tent at such a constant pace it seemed almost like daylight as thunder clapped all around us. Robin, Gyro, and I huddled as close together as humanly (and dogly) as possible. Eventually the storm passed and we were able to sleep, fortunate enough to have the tent still standing and internally dry.

We arrived the next day back in Colorado but stayed in the Denver area with my friend Nieve and her fiancé Michael. The next day we went back to my parents’ house in Colorado Springs. We spent the next couple of days there while I bought supplies for my South America trip, then we left the Springs and drove to Gunnison, Colorado, where my sister lives. We rode our bicycles around the north rim of Black Canyon and hiked around the Crested Butte area to Emerald Lake. While hiking we were caught in a huge storm that poured down rain and hailed. This day was actually our last together as Robin was leaving me the next day to return to Salt Lake City so it was fitting that we were soaked by the rain. The next day we packed up her car and said our goodbyes. We hugged, kissed, and cried not knowing when we would see each other again. I was devastated as I watched her drive away. We had only known each other for two and a half months but it seemed as though we packed six months worth of a relationship into those.

I had never been in a relationship like the one I had with Robin. We were so open and honest with each other that things were revealed that I would have never told anyone else. It was just so easy to open up to her when I knew she would not judge me for the way I felt or the things I thought. Had I not made up my mind to travel to South America I would have found it so easy to return with her to SLC. Unfortunately, this was it. The best relationship I’ve ever had I gave up for the pursuit of my own fantasy. As much as I hope to be with her again when I return, I have absolutely no idea what will be there when I get back. I have spent the last couple of days since she left in what feels like a state of shock. It is almost as though my brain doesn’t quite comprehend what I have given up. I do miss her but this is what we knew was going to happen. That doesn’t make it any easier though. I feel as though Colorado Springs has been my home for so long that I didn’t realize I was looking for a new home. I made a place for myself in Salt Lake City with friends and an amazing relationship. I can only hope and dream that someday I will return and rebuild that home for myself, whether in SLC or somewhere else. Until then I will continue my adventure.

Home, home on the Wasatch Range

Salt Lake City is a very easy city to navigate through, unless you grew up on the front range of Colorado. The streets of the city are based upon a grid system with the Mormon Temple at the middle and then streets spreading out into each of the four cardinal directions. The only problem with this system, from a Coloradan standpoint, is that the mountains are to the East. To see the sun rise above the mountains in the morning is very disturbing since I always perceived the mountains silhouetted against the backdrop of the setting sun. Due to this one pertinent aspect it took a couple weeks for me to get my bearings.

Almost immediately after I arrived in the city the one pair of pants I owned began to show signs of extreme wear. This was probably due to the fact that I spent a lot of time on my hands and knees following a two year-old around the house. Rough-housing with a six year-old takes its toll as well. I decided it was time for a new pair and went out on a search for them. After searching several stores and not finding any hemp clothing I looked into one last store, the Dancing Crane. They were out of stock on their hemp clothing, I was out of luck. While at the Dancing Crane I did find out that there was a Tibetan Buddhist monastery in town and decided to check it out. I went to the monastery and attended an hour long meditation session. Some people may not consider sitting for an hour not thinking about thinking to be a lot of fun but I highly enjoyed it. I have been meditating for about two years now and find it very beneficial. After meditating I returned home and ordered a pair of hemp pants online. About a week later I bent over to pick up a pencil off the floor and the pants I was wearing split completely in half revealing to Kim and Ruth the brightness of my white ass. Averting their eyes they prayed that my new pants came quickly. As it so happens, the pants arrived that day just in time for Ruth, the boys and I to head out to the small town of Roosevelt to visit Ruth’s family.

Meeting the Hackford clan is an outrageous event for even the strongest of individuals. Ruth’s mother, like many grandmothers, is affectionately labeled Nana. Nana greeted us as we entered the house with her thick southwestern accent. Ruth’s dad, Papa, came out to say hello then retreated to his office to continue his spider solitaire game on the computer. Soon after cousins and sisters and other family members arrived at the house and the noise level quickly rose to an uproar. Riley spent his time with his cousin’s playing with electric circuit sets and learning obscene songs that only six year-olds have the audacity to perform for their grandparents. Casey and I were content to read pop-up books and play with puzzles while everybody else went about their normal family behavior. A casual observer might have thought that everybody was upset and constantly yelling at each other but the weekend progressed without the slightest decrease in volume so I concluded that this was just the voice this family used to speak to each other.

For months now Riley had been very interested in two things often synonymous with each other: guns, and church. These are probably the two main subjects the Hackford-Peer household just does not associate with. Other than Ruth though, the entire Hackford family members are avid hunters. When Riley was given the option of going out shooting with Papa on Sunday morning or going to the Mormon Church with his cousins he chose the latter. Since I had never been to a Mormon service before I decided to join them as well. First, we sat through the hour long Sacrament in which the High Council spoke of topics so irrelevant I was lost before they even started speaking and then we all partook of some bread and water. At least in the Catholic church we get alcohol. After the Sacrament was a scripture class in which we were taught from the book of Mormon. Following the class, the men and women separated to discuss other aspects of the religion. After three hours of Church we finally headed back home. When asked what he thought about church Riley said that he loved it. I’m sure I would have too if I got to sing fun songs and eat cupcakes. We packed up the car and Ruth, Riley, Casey and I made our way back to SLC.

That next week I began volunteering at Riley’s school. Riley is in a duel-immersion school in which half the students are native Spanish speakers. Right now Riley spends about 25 percent of his time in a Spanish speaking classroom and the other 75 percent with other English speaking students. After my wanderings through Spain I decided I wanted to learn Spanish so I started volunteering in the Spanish speaking Kindergarten class. The children are amazing and I love when they call me Señor Will. I began reading books to the children who don’t get read to very often and though my vocabulary leaves something to be desired I am able to read books that I know well enough in English to pick up the other words in Spanish. I read books like La Pequeña Locamotora que si Pudo (The Little Engine that could) and Si Le Das Una Galletita a un Raton (If You Give a Mouse a Cookie). My Spanish has improved significantly and I am grateful for this practice.

A friend of mine from college in Alamosa had moved out here to the Salt Lake area almost a year ago to be near the Hackford-Peer family as well. Vee offered to take me snowboarding if I would teach her some things. She had only been twice before and was hoping to get some pointers. We went up to the mountains, strapped on our gear and headed up the lift. As so often happens with beginner snowboarders she fell immediately after dismounting from the chairlift. She got up, strapped in, and we took off down the mountain. The first run took approximately half and hour but by the end of the day she was getting down the run in about ten minutes. We took a little break during the middle of the day and I was able to go off on my own exploring Utah’s self-proclaimed “Greatest Snow on Earth”. I have to say that although I have been in situations that have had better conditions, the Utah snow did impress me. I had a blast flowing through the powder among great tree runs. By the end of the day, I’ll say I was very satisfied.

With spring around the corner the weather off and on became better and better. On one particularly nice Sunday afternoon Vee, the family and I went to the Hogle Zoo. Casey, being particularly interested in elephants, wanted to see the pachyderms first so we headed that way. As soon as we arrived at the elephant enclosure the elephant closest to us let loose a giant load. Riley saw it and yelled out “Mama! That elephant just took a huge shit!” Suppressing a laugh Ruth turned to him and said, “We are in a public place; use the word ‘poop’.” After that we saw the usual suspects, lions, tigers, bears; Dorothy would have been proud. At the end of the day we took a ride on the train that wound around the play park through the buffalo pen and past the bald eagles. By then we were zoo’d out.

I kept going to the Tibetan monastery and even took Vee with me once. It was apparent though that this wasn’t really doing anything for me. Perhaps it was the weird chanting or the extreme ritualism but it just wasn’t my thing. I talked a bit with the Lama’s wife who recommended I check out the Zen center here in town. Vee and I decided to check it out together. The trip to the Zen center would have to wait though as we had other adventures forthcoming. The following weekend we all went to the beautiful city of Moab.


With its red painted cliffs and desert scenery Moab is a city photographers love to capture. Yet even photographs do not do the area justice. Moab is surrounded by a couple of National parks including Canyonlands and Arches. We decided to do some hiking through Arches National Monument. With Riley clambering over rocks and Casey in tow we made the 1.5 mile hike up to Delicate Arch, the signature landmark of the park. Snowcapped peaks in the background provided a striking contrast to the crimson colored rock that made the hike especially beautiful. After seeing a few more arches it was time to head back to the rented condo. That evening some other friends from Alamosa, Teri and Tim, managed to join us in Moab. Beer and wine flowed all evening while tequila shots were consumed. Needless to say, the night quickly became a blur. Awaking the next morning to a horrible hangover we ate breakfast and packed up our things. Vee and I decided to take another little hike through Arches before getting out of Moab. We walked up a trail to see beautiful formations including the landscape arch and wall arch. On our way back down to the car we were hit by a cold front which started dropping snow the minute we entered the parking lot.


Once we got to the car we had to hurry so I could catch a bus out of Green River, Utah. My parents were on their way to Las Vegas because my dad had a conference there and I decided to join them. We arrived in Green River just minutes before the bus showed up but I was able to hop on. The bus rolled along through the hills of southern Utah in inclement weather with no real problems. After six hours we arrived in Las Vegas and my parents showed up at the bus station to pick me up. It had only been about two and half months since I saw them last but it was wonderful to see them again. While dad spent his days in meetings mom and I sunbathed by the pool or went on adventures. The first day we were there mom and I went in search of a wooden flute, the kind used in Native American music. We found one that was perfect for me and we bought it. I started playing and discovered just how easy it was to play.

The following day mom and I went to check out the Hoover Dam. We came within two miles of it to find that traffic had slowed to a crawl. When we finally arrived at the dam there were so many people we just decided to continue on. A few miles later we saw a sign that pointed to a road saying there was a beach in that direction. We thought we’d check it out. After driving another couple miles down a steep and curvy road we found ourselves at the foot of Mohave Lake, a 27 mile long lake with canyon walls running up either side. We disembarked and started walking along the water’s edge. After climbing over an outcropping we reached a secluded beach. We sat down and listened to the water lapping against the small rocks on the shore. I pulled out my flute and began to play. Melodic notes echoed through the canyon bouncing off the wall and skimming the water. The echo provided the harmony to the melody I played. Several minutes later I stopped and was absorbed in silence. All of a sudden, within feet of the shoreline, a loon popped to the surface of the water. To see this beautiful waterfowl in a desert environment during the middle of the day is so unlikely that I would have thought it impossible had I not seen it with my own eyes and had someone there to confirm the sighting.

This was an incredible experience for both my mother and I as it related us to our summers spent in Canada upon the lakes of Muskoka. At dawn or dusk one could often hear the call of the loon and would be moved by the eerie yet beautiful sound. Then we would see the loons pop up in the middle of the lake for a few seconds before diving back under the glassy surface for minutes at a time. As I said, to see a loon at a lake in the middle of the desert during the middle of the day was quite and extraordinary experience. It remained on the surface just long enough to get a good look at us before it disappeared again beneath the water. Returning to our room at the Flamingo hotel we were ecstatic and couldn’t wait to tell my dad about it. While in Vegas we were able to catch a few shows including Monty Python’s Spamalot and the Cirque de Soleil: Ka. After a week spent with my parents it was time to head back to Salt Lake.

I hung out with Vee that weekend and we did some hiking in the area. Easter Sunday we decided to check out the Zen Center. We arrived and did a half hour of meditating before listening to a talk given by one of the Senseis. The talk was very profound and enlightening about the nature of Karma. The Sensei mentioned that many people see Karma as a reward and punishment system yet the true nature of it is more in tune with the laws of physics. For every action there is a reaction. Simply put, Karma is physics, a common law throughout the universe, nothing more. Although what he talked about was something I already believed I felt intrigued by his speech. I decided to return to the Zen center the following Wednesday for Zazen, or sitting meditation. I found that this was much more in tune with what I was looking for than anything else I had previously found. I have since been attending the Sunday morning workshops and Wednesday Zazen and feel confident that this is where I am supposed to be right now.

The week after I returned from Vegas was Riley’s Spring Break. Although the weather was not wonderful there were a few days that we were able to get outside and do some things. One of the outdoor activities Riley and I undertook was learning how to ride a bike. That is, I was helping him learn. For a couple days we took his little purple bike to the elementary school parking lot. He put on all his gear including knee and elbow pads, a helmet, and a biker jacket. Once prepared he got on the bike and raced off. After several attempts at finding balance and falling over he finally started to get the hang of it. After three days of riding he was already riding without assistance all around the school. He still has trouble taking off and landing, as he says, but he is so close to being independent. Before starting out he and I made a bet. I bet that Casey would be potty-trained before he could completely ride on his own. Right now Riley is so close and Casey has no interest what so ever in pooping on the toilet. It looks like I may have lost this bet. I will be spending a whole day playing whatever games Riley wants to play. I guess it could be worse.

The Hackford-Peers have truly become my family and I love them dearly. Life here has become as normal as life can be and I feel grateful to be who I am in this place. I am surrounded by people who really care about me and offer so much support. I know that I am influencing their lives as positively as they are mine and that wherever I go in this life I will always have another family to come home to.

Mormons and Whales and Lesbian Tales

Colorado brought many changes to me. Determining how to integrate all that I had discovered in my travels into the life of a commercial and consumer culture was quite difficult. My life in Colorado was completely different from the life I lived traveling with all my belongings strapped to my back. I noticed how excessive this culture is. We equate waste with privilege. America believes that we have the ability to buy cheap products then discard them so we must be a rich society. We are anything but. Coming back to this was very challenging for me mentally, spiritually, and physically. Not even a week after returning my skin and eyes took on a yellow hue. It was clear that my liver was having problems and that I was jaundiced. My mother and I visited a naturopathic doctor who took blood samples to be tested and advised me on how to care for my body in the state it was in. The results of the blood test came back within a couple days. The ND diagnosed me with Hepatitis B. She made a tincture of milk thistle and gave me several other remedies to take until the situation had improved. Because the remedies tasted horrible I knew they had to be working.

A couple weeks later I went with my mom and dad to Pensacola, Florida to visit my grandmother and soak up some sun. While there we walked along the deserted, white sandy beach, we celebrated my grandmother’s birthday, and my mom and I took a day trip to New Orleans. While in New Orleans we enjoyed the balmy November weather of 80 degrees. We walked around the city listening to street musicians play the blues. We ate bengets covered in powdered sugar in the French Quarter. I even had my palm read by a street palm reader who told me I was a very old soul and would have a long life. Back in Colorado I spent most of my days with my mom hiking in the mountains or chilling at the house. In the evenings my dad, mom, and I would relax with movies, cards, books, or whatever else we wanted. The Florida sun, family time, and herbal medications improved my physical condition tremendously. Within weeks my skin and eyes had returned to their normal color and I felt better than ever. During the next couple weeks I spent a lot of time with my parents and also some great friends I’ve had since high school.

In mid December my sister Christina came home from college. She, my parents and I were taking a trip to Maui in the Hawaiian Islands. We took off from Denver with snow littering the tarmac and landed on the lima bean shaped island in the tropics. With the sun shining and wind blowing we hopped in the rented convertible and made our way to the condo. We stayed in an apartment overlooking the waves of the ocean calming lapping the shore. Palm trees abounded and tropical birds flew all around us. We spent most of our days bathing in the sun on the beautiful beaches and snorkeling in the warm clear water of the Pacific Ocean. We swam amidst millions of brightly colored fish, eels, and sea turtles. This time of year was mating season for the Humpback whales. Hundreds of whales gather in the warm waters surrounding Maui to challenge for mates and to spawn. These massive creatures were abundant while we were there so we saw several of them. They would breach only a hundred feet away and yet it seemed as though we could just reach out and touch them. Looking out over the water from the boat I would suddenly see a great plume of water jetting into the air. Following that the hump would emerge that gave these giant mammals their name, and then the tail would pop out of the water and dive again. What impressive animals these are. Just watching how graceful a 40 ton animal can be in the water is inspiring.

While in Maui we took a couple of day trips. One of these days we drove the infamous Road to Hana. With steep downgrades and sharp curves the thirty mile drive takes about two hours. Along the way we passed through massive rain forests and saw incredible water falls. We stopped at the Garden of Eden arboretum and walked among beautiful flower gardens and lush vegetation. I found several spiders that captivated me as I had never seen creatures that looked so alien yet so familiar. I filled my camera with pictures of these amazing spiders and spent much of my time observing them in their silken homes. Near the end of the Road to Hana there is an area known as O’heo Gulch or the Seven Sacred Pools. Here we stopped and found a hiking trail that led up through the forest. We hiked this trail passing fast flowing waterfalls and trees larger around than I had ever imagined. Part of the journey led us through an intense bamboo forest. For about ¾ of a mile we hiked in the shade of these tall trees as we listened to the clacking of the bamboo being knocked together by the wind. Upon finally arriving at the end of the trail we were met by one of the tallest waterfalls in the world. Waimoku Falls drops 400 feet down a sheer lava rock cliff to land gently in a pool of water below. Bathing in the spray at the bottom was refreshing after the long hike up. Hiking down took considerably less time as we were going downhill and had already seen the sights on the way up.

Another of our day trips began in the early morning hours as we drove to the top of the Maui crater. Extremely cold weather greeted us when we arrived as the sun was rising over the horizon. Clouds shifted on and around the mountain top highlighting the crest of the crater. Inside the crater the earth was bare and resembled a Martian landscape. Red and brown rocks crumbled and littered the terrain while small ice crystals formed between the cracks beneath our feet. From the top of the crater we could see the entire island from the sugar plantations to the Iao Valley.

We celebrated my parents’ 27th wedding anniversary there on the island by taking a sunset cocktail cruise. Since it was a cocktail cruise the alcohol was flowing freely and we all quenched our thirst. The rocking of the boat did not help our standing situation so we finally found that it was much easier to sit and hold on than attempt getting up for another drink. This was probably a good thing as when we exited the boat we still had a difficult time walking straight. When we arrived back on shore we made our way to the nearby miniature golf and family adventure park. Rather than putting we spent most of the time throwing the golf balls at the holes or retrieving them from the water traps. The next day with slight hangovers we made our way to the airport to return home. Leaving the beautiful tropical weather of Maui behind us we returned to a cold and snow-packed Colorado.

A couple days later, on Christmas Eve, my brother Peter flew in from San Francisco. That evening my mom and I sang in the choir at the Catholic Church my family has been a part of for years. We followed our yearly tradition of attending midnight mass then returned home to sleep the night away. Christmas day we woke up to fresh snow on the ground and fewer presents under the tree than we had ever experienced before. This year was a very simple Christmas for our family involving a trip to Maui rather than material gifts and I think we all preferred it this way; at least I know that I did. The holiday season was truly joyous and a celebration of family. The focus was on relationships and spirituality rather than on physical gifts being exchanged. It was the best Christmas I had ever had. A few days later Peter left us to return to his home in California. Following that I organized a New Year’s Eve party at my house. I invited all my high school friends as well as all their parents. It was a fascinating combination of the two generations coming together for the first time in several years. The party celebrated the dawn of a new year with many hopes, dreams, and anticipations of the year to come.

Not quite a week later I said goodbye to my parents and left with Christina on our way to her house in Gunnison, Colorado. I spent the next two weeks with her in the coldest region of the continental United States. While there we experienced temperatures of forty degrees below zero and six feet of snow. Many days were spent snowboarding on the mountain of Crested Butte while other days I played with Christina’s dog Tyson along the snowy banks of the frozen Tomichi River. I had a blast hanging out with my sister and her friends. While I was there we celebrated Christina’s 21st birthday in true college 21st birthday style. Needless to say much passing out and throwing up was involved. Two days after her birthday Christina and her boyfriend Jordon drove me out to Grand Junction in Western Colorado. There I met some friends of mine from college who picked me up and drove me to their home in Salt Lake City, Utah.

I have been living with my friends, Kim and Ruth, for nearly a week now and definately want to stay a lot longer. I met them while attending college in Alamosa, Colorado. As a lesbian couple they were quite the oddity in the small town and the fact that they had a one year-old son added to that oddity. We became fast friends. I have always adored children and when asked to baby-sit the one year-old Riley I jumped at the opportunity. Before my senior year of college they moved away to Salt Lake. We stayed in touch and during my road trips to and from Mammoth Lakes, California I would stop in and visit. Riley grew bigger and bigger every time I saw him. He is now six years-old and the moment he saw me he gave me a huge hug; he has yet to let go. He calls me his “brudda” which is Riley-talk for brother as he has yet to master his “r” sounds. He, along with his nearly two year-old brother Casey and his two mommies have become my new family. I am so grateful to be here with them and look forward to all the adventures we will have together. Until next time, adios from Mormon land!